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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26399044">By Your Side</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceyEnn/pseuds/AceyEnn'>AceyEnn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>August And Everything After [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drowning, F/F, Friendship, Garnet is a Good Pal, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mentions of implicitly underage sex, Pearl is at least trying to be a Good Pal, Ruby needs to realize that MAYBE she shouldn’t always say what is on her mind, Suicide Attempt, no garnet you cannot physically fight pearl’s trauma, unfortunately Pearl was horny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:48:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26399044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceyEnn/pseuds/AceyEnn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Garnet tries to be a friend to Pearl. Pearl doesn’t always make it easy.</p><p>(Set mostly between chapters three and four of Pearl, Interrupted, with flashbacks throughout.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Background Ruby/Sapphire, Past Pearl/Rose Quartz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>August And Everything After [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796716</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>By Your Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>MORE OF THIS SHIT BITCHES AW YEAHHHHHH</p><p>I’ve wanted to write Garnet POV stuff for this AU for A G E S and...well, I finally did! The title is lame as shit because I couldn’t fucking think of one, so I hope the actual fic is better.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>When you were seventeen, Pearl asked you a question out of the blue.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What do you think happens when we die?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You shrugged, a bit taken aback and fully unsure of how to respond. “I don't think about it much,” you replied, which was the truth. It wasn't that you feared death too much, or at least no more than anyone else, but it didn't really cross your mind often. It simply had yet to be truly relevant to your life.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I think about it a lot,” she admitted. “I don't have a good answer. I'd like there to be something nice, but maybe there's nothing at all.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You raised an eyebrow. “I'm not sure why you're telling me all this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pearl laughed, an odd, almost bitter laugh. “Because whatever it is, I don't think it can be worse than this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You're scaring me, Pearl.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry.” She paused, then added, “But it's true.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You're safe now.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not at school. And the fact that I like living here doesn't mean I'm happy that my mother hates me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fair point. Still...you have me. You have Ruby and Sapphire. You have Rose.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Please tell me you're not thinking of hurting yourself.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, nothing like that. Don't worry about me.” She smiled, completely unconvincingly. “Anyway, you never actually answered my question.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘Fraid I don't really have an answer.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah. Fair enough.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>---</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Your name is Garnet, and you feel like you really should’ve seen this coming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course you knew Pearl was depressed. She always had been, and she’d been fairly open with you about it—as far back as middle school, she’d admitted to you that she didn’t like herself much, and that she often felt hopeless and alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed like Rose had changed all that at first. In fact, when you saw her at school the Monday after their first date, it may have been the first time you saw her truly </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But now Rose was dead and gone, and it was no secret that Pearl had been struggling to cope. You just hadn’t expected she’d go </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>far. It doesn't really </span>
  <em>
    <span>surprise </span>
  </em>
  <span>you much the more you think about it, but...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you look at her, nearly corpselike in her hospital bed, you feel a twinge of anger. You’ve already lost one friend, and now you’re on the verge of losing another. Maybe it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be mad at Pearl for this, but you kind of are regardless. More than that, though, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>disappointed</span>
  </em>
  <span>—which, frankly, would probably upset her more than anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You opt not to say that. On the off chance she can hear you, you don’t want to discourage her further. So you just sit in the hard plastic chair by her bedside, watching the artificial rise and fall of her chest, and tell her that you want her to come back soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pearl sat on the edge of your bed, fidgeting with the hem of her pajama top. “This is going to sound crazy,” she said, “but this is the first sleepover I've ever been to.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Same here,” you replied with a shrug. “Ruby told me to ask you what you like on your pizza, by the way.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Plain cheese. Preferably not too much cheese--the texture is gross if there's a lot of it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You're a bit of a picky eater.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That's a nice understatement,” she laughed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You were both thirteen, and while you'd only known each other for about a year, you were already inseparably close friends. Granted, you were also the only close friend she had, and vice-versa, but you genuinely liked each other a lot. Pearl was intelligent and often very sweet, and she'd often said she admired you as well. She was willing to confide in you things she refused to talk about with anyone else, from her home life and thoughts of running away to her homosexuality to her stress over grades.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(“Don't tell anyone this,” she said when you invited her to spend the night, “but I have night terrors sometimes. Sorry if I wake up screaming.”)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks for having me,” Pearl chirped. “I'm having fun. And your moms are nice.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You visit Pearl daily, almost out of a sense of obligation. Sapphire doesn’t always have the time, and Ruby has no desire to see her in such a state, so there aren’t a whole lot of options. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mostly, you don’t want her to be alone. If it were you, you know you’d want someone there for you—and you’re her best friend, so you figure you’re a good choice. On top of that, though, you miss her already, and despite the face you’ve been putting on, you’re utterly terrified of losing her for good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s snowing,” you tell her, taking off your coat as you sit down. “I know you wouldn’t be pleased.” Pearl always did hate cold weather, and had expressed a deep loathing of driving in the snow. You wonder, in the back of your mind, if she feels cold right now. She’d been hypothermic upon her arrival, and the hospital gown couldn’t have been terribly warm. You touch her hand, cold and limp, and decide that she might need the coat more than you right now, so you drape it gingerly over her shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been three days now, and your worry is only growing. She had a seizure last night, and her wrists are strapped to the bed as a result. There’s been a few hopeful things—the doctor mentioned that she’s been showing more reflexive responses, which is a good sign—but things still look bleak, especially considering that she hasn’t actually woken up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh, pulling your phone from the pocket of your jeans and scrolling through your music library. You turn the volume down, so as not to disturb the other residents of the ICU, and press play on a song Pearl had enthusiastically recommended to you years prior.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You stormed into the locker room, infuriated. You couldn't believe the nerve of your opponent in that last match. That move was against the rules, and she knew it--and so did the referee. Actually, you were even angrier at him for not calling her out on it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>To your surprise, you found the room largely empty, save for--to your even greater surprise--Pearl, half-dressed in jeans and a bra.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How'd it go out there?” she asked cheerfully.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bad.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry to hear that.” She glanced around, blushing. “Uh, I know you're probably wondering what I'm doing in here…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am, yes.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Rose and I needed, uh. A bit of privacy. I was going to stay and watch, but...I couldn't resist.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It's probably better you didn't see that match anyway. She cheated.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Who's she?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jasper. You know, from the rival school. This isn't the first time she's pulled this kind of thing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ugh.” Pearl picked up her neatly-folded blouse from the bench and put it on. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Amen.” You look her over; her hair, upon further inspection, is a mess. “Also, bit risky to be having sex on school grounds.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You </span>
  </em>
  <span>know</span>
  <em>
    <span> her living situation right now is...a bit complicated. And it's not like I can bring her to my place at all.” Pearl laughs. “Besides, I mean, it's not the </span>
  </em>
  <span>most </span>
  <em>
    <span>risky place. There's always the park.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I really do not get why you're telling me about your sex life, Pearl.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her expression turns serious. “Because you're the only person I </span>
  </em>
  <span>can </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hmm.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Anyway, I'm so sorry about Jasper. I saw the first half of the tournament--you really deserved that title.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Pearl first begins to wake up, she seems incredibly out of it. Even though she still can't speak, her expression says enough--a curious mixture of confusion, fear, sadness, and anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad you're back,” you finally say. She pointedly looks away from you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don't ever do that again,” you add. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pearl crosses her arms, still adamantly refusing to meet your gaze, or indeed look anywhere in your general direction. Instead, she looks down at the ID band on her wrist, glaring at it as though its mere existence offends her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'll leave you be if you'd like.” She simply nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You go home, and scream into your pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I'm really sorry to impose like this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You're apologizing for getting kicked out.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I'm apologizing for staying with </span>
  </em>
  <span>you.</span>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We really don't mind. You don't exactly have many other options.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You feel beyond awful for her. You would even if you weren't friends, but the fact that you know Pearl so well makes it all the more disgusting to you that her family did what they did. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You put up with a lot from me, Garnet.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That's because I enjoy your company.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That means a lot. If there's anything you'd like me to do in return, please let me know, okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don't think that'll be necessary. But sure.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pearl set her backpack down on the guest bed. “I'll keep it clean,” she assured you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don't doubt that,” you replied with a grin. “I've seen your locker.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That made her crack a smile. “I'm going to try to sleep.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Probably a good idea.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(You heard her screaming in the middle of the night.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pearl spends the next few days speaking very little, instead communicating to you via a series of handwritten notes. She says it hurts to talk, that her throat is still raw from the ventilator, and you're willing to accommodate that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, tell me how you're feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Everything hurts. Did I break something?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first responders broke your sternum and a couple ribs. The rest is just nasty bruising.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pearl sighs. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“They shouldn't have bothered and you know it,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she writes. Her handwriting is messier than usual, you notice, although that's not saying much--her penmanship is usually beautiful, and even her hasty scrawlings are perfectly legible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were doing the right thing, Pearl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They had no clue what they were doing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You groan involuntarily. You love her to pieces, but she's exhausting sometimes, and this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>one of those times. “I don't think </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>did, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I knew EXACTLY what I was doing. I'd really rather you not patronize me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm not trying to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You're succeeding.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrified</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” you reiterate firmly. “You have to understand that. We already lost Rose, if you’d died…” Well, you’re not sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> you would’ve done, beyond grieve. “It hurt us. A lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pearl looks a bit horrified for a moment, but she shakes her head, frowning. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Trust me, I wasn’t thinking about you at all,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she writes, and you can’t help but notice a few tears falling, leaving damp spots on the yellow legal pad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You didn't fully understand Pearl’s physics lecture, even as you took furious notes, but you were pretty confident that you understood enough to scrape by on the test.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks for the info,” you told her as you closed your notebook. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not a problem!” She grinned, clasping her hands together. “You're going to do great. I took the final this morning, it was much easier than expected.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good to know.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pearl sat down in the swivel chair by her desk, and opened her laptop. “I've made my decision, by the way. I'm going to take a year off. I've worked myself too hard the past few years, and I think I might need a break.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I've been planning the same. Maybe longer.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah. We'll see how things are a year from now. Any idea of what you'd like to major in?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I've been considering music. Band class has taught me a lot.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Huh. Sounds fun. I'm leaning towards physics myself, but I might minor in history. And, of course, I may change my mind entirely. Rose has made botany sound incredibly interesting...although that might just be that she's good at making things interesting in general.” She blushed furiously. “But that’s a ways off. For now…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pearl opened up her word processor, grimacing. “I don’t want to write this stupid speech,” she grumbled. “I don’t even want to walk at the ceremony.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m proud of you. Making valedictorian is a big deal.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s not the kind of deal I really want. Not with…not with </span>
  </em>
  <span>them </span>
  <em>
    <span>around.” She closed the window. “I should be relieved, shouldn’t I? But I’m still so scared.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll bring my brass knuckles if you’d like.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She snorted. “You can’t just punch my emotional issues, Garnet.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No. But punching your mom would be good too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Point taken.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You visit her once in the psych ward, accompanied by your moms, during a designated meeting period. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Physically, she looks a lot better. The color has returned to her cheeks, and her movements are back to their usual fluidity. But it’s clear as soon as she walks in that she’s still doing very poorly emotionally. She’s agreed to attend a few group meetings, but she remains visibly depressed. Her hair is greasier than you’ve ever seen it, and she looks exhausted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling physically?” Sapphire asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not great. It still hurts to breathe, and the food here is so disgusting it’s making me sick to my stomach.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be to be able to come home tomorrow,” you point out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>God. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I can’t stand it here. I—there’s nothing to do, and my roommate is kind of a jerk, and I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill </span>
  </em>
  <span>for a cigarette. It’s driving me crazy. I don’t belong in this place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, you actually kinda do,” Ruby notes bluntly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not insane, Ruby,” Pearl spits. “My decisions made perfect sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>didn’t, and if you think they </span>
  <em>
    <span>did—</span>
  </em>
  <span>“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ruby, that’s not helping,” Sapphire admonishes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sorry,” Ruby apologizes sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’d like to speak to Garnet alone,” Pearl says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sapphire nods. “Understood. Garnet, meet us at the car when visiting hours are up. We’ll be parked in the same place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” you reply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Ruby and Sapphire leave the room, Pearl heaves a sigh. “I know I’m being difficult,” she admits. “This just feels like an exercise in futility.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You simply nod. You don’t have much to say to that, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t that scared, you know,” she continues, voice shaking. “But it wouldn’t have been as good a way to go as I’d hoped, in hindsight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drowning hurts,” she explains. “They </span>
  <em>
    <span>say</span>
  </em>
  <span> it doesn’t, but it does. Badly. I felt like my body was going to explode, I—I tried to just let it happen, but…my body wouldn’t let it for what felt like </span>
  <em>
    <span>forever</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The last thing I remember there is this awful pain in my chest, and...and then I guess I passed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re regretting all that now, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m regretting the method. And I’m regretting doing it where someone could </span>
  <em>
    <span>find</span>
  </em>
  <span> me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re very lucky you’re not worse off from this, you know.” It’s the truth—things were so touch and go during her coma, but aside from the lingering pain from her injuries, she’s fine. No evidence of permanent damage to her brain or body, which is frankly a bit miraculous, all things considered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t reply. She simply frowns and looks away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you're upset. I don't really know how to fix that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pearl looks back towards you, and gives you the ghost of a smile. “Thanks for admitting it. And for bothering to be my friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Pearl, for agreeing to get help.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I picked physics specifically because it is a subject that hurts my brain.</p><p>Also Garnet’s shades are prescription in this AU because I fucking said so 😤</p></blockquote></div></div>
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